i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
