PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ttyl tear gas
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
