Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
