i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
