can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
