I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She announced her abortion via fbk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
