i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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