I hate your face
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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