im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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