Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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