i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
