If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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