is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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