I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
