i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
