Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my poor anus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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