My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
