Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
