just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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