I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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