I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
