Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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