Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
