I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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