Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
