Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Buhtt sex?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
