God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
