Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
