No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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