You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
