i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
