You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
