God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
