i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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