I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
