With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
