Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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