come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
