so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
