A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
