You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
