this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How external is "for external use only"?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
