weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
