you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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