Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
