I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
