This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
