Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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