that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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