I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
