Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
