we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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