He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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